What is SHAME?

Laws and shame govern the world. A monopoly of external violence enforces the law, while shame is internally self-regulating based on what we believe is right and wrong. And very often, we are harsh judges and deem ourselves unlovable. Playing with shame is paradoxical because we consciously and consensually invite another into this internal process. May it be a loved one or a witnessing audience. And hopefully, their violently harsh and caretakingly sweet judgements are more loveable than our self-sabotaging and limiting beliefs. Kill it with love, and marvel at the process. Closely related are humiliation and degradation, to be put below something, abandoning all pride, being made one with the earth’s dirt. Descending this abyss makes us humble towards who deserves it. Or perhaps life itself.

Playing with shame requires elegance, as it is an emotionally masochistic journey. Too much physical hardship scares the shy shame away, so one must master their bondage and whip to a level where they become keys to the subconscious. Just as physical masochism, shame raises arousal, blood rushing to reddening cheeks, and therefore marries well with esoteric eroticism. But if it’s too much, we shut down, disassociate, and freeze. It’s a tender balancing act. Many are often also ashamed of their sexuality for being too much, too sluty, or not being enough, too prude. The madonna and the whore. Temporarily leaving these intimate judgements to another allows one to indulge, submit and surrender.

Shame is also at the heart of erotic rope bondage; by exposing, shaping and presenting the body, we touch the mind and soul. Physically challenging ties partially suspended in the air may serve to wither down the protective walls that we so desperately try to lower by ourselves. To let others in, to be vulnerable. Did I say that consent is key? And so is the face because it is how we present ourselves to the world, in language and gestures; it wears the duality crown of beauty and intellect.

Expect clamped tongues, devious seductive words, drips of drool, and rope-leased necks beckoned to follow along.

But, most foremost, expect to be seen in your shame, vulnerability and beauty.

Email: kinksandcandi@gmail.com for signing up